Social Media Peer Group 4

Here is group four for the social media peer review:

Ja’La W., Jeffrey M.Joan K.Matt Z., Zoe F.

Like I said on the post that introduced peer review, I will give you a choice: you can either share your draft of an essay with your peers as a Google Doc (which has the advantage of allowing your peers to comment in more detail on the draft), or as a page on your WordPress site. Start peer review by the end of the day on Monday, November 27, and finish peer review by the end of the day on Wednesday, November 29.

14 Responses to Social Media Peer Group 4

  1. ZoeBelle says:

    Hey everyone!
    Here is my google doc for my essay. It’s definitely a draft still and I have a lot more to add, but I can’t wait to see the feedback you all have for me.
    https://docs.google.com/a/emich.edu/document/d/15ysYx-1sFPhSKAgXqfu1L0Pz_frzDaR3jvnQY3yX1pU/edit?usp=sharing

    • jmoss9 says:

      I like your concept of pointing out how social media has changed the way people present themselves to the world. I think your essay will be stronger if you can present directly “starting point A” and “ending point B” so that it’s not just an abstract idea of “change” but a concrete observation of where people started out versus where they are now (or at least the version of themselves they present by using social media).

      I made some comments in the doc where your wording can be changed.

      And you pointed out you have more to add, I assume that will include your experiences with Twitter, LinkedIn and the other one you used. You did a great job of connecting the class reading to your experience with YikYak. I also appreciated the description of how YikYak has changed because I used that for the first time this semester and went into only knowing it was once considered “controversial” but I did not know why.

      Great start!

  2. Joan Kwaske says:

    This probably won’t be ready to edit until tomorrow, but here’s the link!

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t15HrAEyH7lGVFO7MqNFW23Nysa4tIkUCAtZ6x_Z_zw/edit?usp=sharing

    • jmoss9 says:

      Joan, you do an excellent job of connecting the course readings to your experience with the different social media sites you used for this project. Your essay is well written and is a quick and enjoyable read.

      I made several comments on the google doc where your sentences are too wordy and can be tightened up. For example, the very first sentence begins with “To be honest, …” Cut those 3 words and it’s a much stronger sentence and opening.

      I see you have a few notes where you plan to expand. There wasn’t a note following the paragraph about Pinterest- do you plan to expand there? You do a fantastic job of making personal observations about LinkedIn and Instagram but there’s just the one paragraph about Pinterest that connects it to the SuperMom article but there’s no personal connection or lesson learned mentioned and it feels like there should be something more.

      All in all, great job with the essay!

    • ZoeBelle says:

      Joan,
      I thought this draft of your essay was great. It was easy to read and I could tell you were trying to make lots of connections between your experiences and the articles we read in class.
      However, sometimes your essay sounded like a 4th progress report rather than a broader view of what we’ve learned this semester about social media. I wouldn’t focus too heavily on explaining your experiences and rather on your view of social media entirely.
      I would reread your essay and omit and unnecessary words or phrases in it, I notice there were quite a few. Also, be mindful of repeating certain words too many times.
      Overall, great job! I think this is a strong start.

  3. jmoss9 says:

    I haven’t used google docs before so I posted my rough draft on my wordpress site.

    https://glacialpacecom.wordpress.com/peer-review-ssm-essay/

    • jmoss9 says:

      https://docs.google.com/a/emich.edu/document/d/13JI8J1K7fc5hx9xKhYU5fYM5I0mPncdgObjO-cnFmjs/edit?usp=sharing

      I think I figured out how to share a google doc if that makes it easier as it seems to be the popular choice.

      • ZoeBelle says:

        Jeff,

        I think it would be helpful for us if you set your document to allowing edits. Right now it is set on “view only.” When you click “share” on the top right there should be an option in a drop down menu to allow editing for users with the link.

        I thought your paper was very well-written. I did not see many grammatical errors that I would fix. I also was very interested in reading about “Gentlemint” as I have never heard of that site before!

        While you make good connections to Redish, I think it would be helpful to make more connections to the articles we have read throughout the semester. I mentioned this on a couple other essays, but I would refrain from making your paper sound too much like a 4th progress report. From what I understand, this essay should be a broader view of what we’ve learned about social media entirely – not just your specific experiences with the social media platforms you used. Also, do not forget to include a Works Cited section at the end!
        Great start!

  4. jjwourman says:

    Hi everyone.

    Here is my link: https://docs.google.com/a/emich.edu/document/d/1pWSUkoN9MsSUL8Ps-FiAO1C6c6R79x4s036q-JTCw4Q/edit?usp=sharing

    As most of you mentioned, mine to is a very rough draft, but you should be able to see where I am going with the remainder of the essay from what I have here.

    Thanks in advance for your helpful comments 🙂

    — Ja’La

    • jmoss9 says:

      Ja’La, I think the really powerful part of your essay is how the use of social media connected to such important real life events. So often social media is full of nonsense memes and cat videos, so to see Twitter playing in a part in learning about the racist graffiti on campus and for the first time in history having such a large presence in presidential campaigns it shows that social media is not just reconnecting with old friends from high school you lost touch with and entertaining yourself while waiting your turn at the Secretary of State office, it permeates all aspects of life. Even when it’s not pleasant.

      You also do a great job of connecting your Twitter use to the class readings.

      I made comments within the document where you can change your wording to be more concise or avoid redundancies. Your author’s note at the end says you have more to add, I am assuming you will also include discussion of your use of LinkedIn, Pinterest and Snapchat as the opening paragraph suggests you will discuss what you learned about online vs real life networks and writing practices, etc.

      It’s a great start!

    • ZoeBelle says:

      Ja’La,

      I think you have a very strong start to your essay. I decided not to mark on the google doc because all of the grammar remarks I would have made were already mentioned. There are just a few basic, easy fixes to make that I’m sure you’d catch after a careful read-through.
      You did a really great job making connections with the readings we’ve had in class. I think making more, specific references to your experiences with the social media platforms that you chose would make your essay even stronger.
      I would also mention that you not forget to include a Works Cited section at the end.
      Great job!

  5. MattZ says:

    Howdy everyone!

    Here’s the link to the in-progress essay:
    https://docs.google.com/a/emich.edu/document/d/1Ndh7DgAlq-unnC15DVqI3A9L1pum-5Uw4KH-9EDCrbg/edit?usp=sharing

    I’m not quite to the end yet, I have a few more sections to go and a few bits of reading to insert, but it’s coming along quite nicely.

    • ZoeBelle says:

      Matt,

      I think you have a good start to your paper! While I enjoy the entertaining voice you have in your essay, I would suggest being mindful of Professor Krause’s request that this paper be more formal (review the essay guidelines).
      I mentioned this on Joan’s essay as well, your paper kind of sounds like a 4th progress report rather than a broader view of what you have learned about social media entirely over the whole semester.
      There were some grammatical fixes to look over, but your paper was already marked up by the time I was able to look at it and I had nothing more to add. A basic read-through of your paper will probably help that!
      Don’t forget to make connections back to the articles we have read in class and include a Works Cited section at the end of your essay.
      Great start!

  6. jmoss9 says:

    Matt, your essay was very humorous and entertaining. I enjoy your voice and the casual tone of the paper. You do a great job of keeping the reader engaged as you reflect on your social media adventure.

    For the most part, what’s needed is what you stated above about inserting the connections to the readings.

    I also made comments in the document where you can edit for brevity.

    Nice start!

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